Sessi. Dancing Corners

Tag: quietgrowth

  • Why I’m Done Explaining My Softness


    I still believe in grace. I just finally believe I deserve some too

    I used to think being soft meant I had to constantly prove I wasn’t weak. That if I cared too much, forgave too easily, or tried to understand people before judging them, I somehow had to explain myself. I had to make sure people knew I wasn’t naive, wasn’t blind, and wasn’t letting things slide because I didn’t see them.

    But the truth is, I saw everything. I felt everything. I just chose grace more times than people deserved it.

    And lately, I’ve realized my softness was never the problem. The problem was thinking I had to defend it to people who only understood kindness when they could benefit from it.

    My experience with softness has always been complicated. I’ve always been someone who feels deeply, listens closely, and tries to understand where people are coming from. I give people room. I give second chances. I try to see the good before I assume the worst.

    But over time, I started realizing that not everyone knows how to respect softness. Some people mistake it for permission. They think because you’re kind, you won’t get tired. Because you’re forgiving, you won’t notice patterns. Because you understand them, they don’t have to understand you back.

    I’ve made excuses for people who stopped showing up the way I needed them to. I’ve overlooked being dismissed, being treated like an afterthought, and being asked for more than I should have had to give. Whether it was someone not making time, constantly needing something from me, asking for money, or not caring about my position in it all, I kept trying to understand.

    I told myself maybe they were overwhelmed, maybe they didn’t mean it, maybe this was just temporary.

    But when something becomes a pattern, it stops being a one-time thing.

    That’s the part that changed me.

    I started realizing that some people get too comfortable with your grace. They assume you’ll always be there. They assume you’ll always understand. They assume you’ll keep bailing them out emotionally, mentally, or even financially, while barely considering what it costs you.

    And that hurts.

    It hurts when you value the friendship or connection more than they do. It hurts when you keep extending understanding while quietly feeling unseen. It hurts when you’re giving grace to people who can’t seem to give you basic consideration in return.

    That’s when I started learning that softness needs boundaries.

    Being soft does not mean shrinking your hurt so someone else can stay comfortable. It does not mean translating disrespect into “they didn’t mean it.” It does not mean overextending yourself just because you have a good heart.

    Sometimes, the softest thing you can do for yourself is stop explaining, stop overgiving, and let people meet the version of you who still has a heart but finally has a line.

    I still believe in grace. I just finally believe I deserve some too.

    I’m not less soft now. I’m just less available to people who confuse softness with weakness.

  • Being Too Understanding

    Being Too Understanding


    Learning that grace should not cost me myself.

    I’ve always been the kind of person who tries to understand everyone.

    Their silence. Their distance. Their bad timing. Their moods. Their excuses. Their “I didn’t mean it like that.” I can see ten different sides of a situation before I even let myself feel my own.

    And for a long time, I thought that made me kind.

    Maybe it did. But lately, I’ve been realizing something uncomfortable: sometimes when you’re too understanding, people start forgetting that you have feelings too.

    They get used to your grace. They assume you’ll always make room for them, even when they stop making room for you. They expect you to understand why they couldn’t show up, why they didn’t call, why they were too busy, too tired, too overwhelmed, too whatever.

    And because you’ve always been soft about it, they forget that softness still gets bruised.

    That weight gets exhausting.

    People really do forget about you altogether when they get used to you being the one who always understands. I’m talking from experience, and I still don’t change easily. I know life is lifing. I know everyone has things going on. I know people are tired, overwhelmed, distracted, and doing the best they can.

    But I also realize I’ve been too soft about myself for too long.

    I’ve let people pick other people over me and stayed quiet. I’ve watered myself down so I wouldn’t seem like too much. I’ve done the work in friendships, love, and even some family matters where I kept giving people the benefit of the doubt while ignoring how much it was hurting me.

    And here’s the thing: I don’t think those people are always bad people.

    I think sometimes people get comfortable taking from the person who never makes it hard for them. They get comfortable with the person who always says, “It’s okay,” even when it’s not. They get used to the person who forgives quickly, understands deeply, and rarely asks for much back.

    But being understanding should not mean being forgotten.

    Being kind should not mean being available for emotional leftovers.

    Being patient should not mean waiting forever for people to realize you matter.

    I can be understanding and still have boundaries.

    I can love people and still expect effort.

    I can know life gets hard and still admit when someone has hurt me.

    I can give grace without abandoning myself in the process.

    That’s the part I’m learning now. I don’t have to become cold. I don’t have to stop caring. I don’t have to turn into someone I’m not just because people didn’t know how to appreciate the softer version of me.

    But I do have to stop making excuses for people who keep making me feel small.

    I have to stop confusing empathy with self-abandonment.

    I have to stop carrying the weight of relationships where I’m the only one trying to understand.

    Because the truth is, I deserve the effort too. I deserve to be considered. I deserve people who don’t just assume I’ll be fine because I’ve always found a way to be.

    I’m still going to be understanding. That’s part of who I am.

    But I’m learning that understanding other people should never come at the cost of losing myself.

    And maybe that’s the real lesson: I can have a soft heart without being easy to overlook.

  • 3 Life Lessons My Mother Taught Me Without Even Trying

    3 Life Lessons My Mother Taught Me Without Even Trying

    My mother is one of the most selfless people I know.

    She loves with an open heart and giving hands, and in return, she has taught me what it means to love other people. Not just when it’s easy. Not just when life is perfect. But through the hard parts, the sacrifices, and the moments where you have to keep going even when you’re tired.

    Even though my mom did not have the easiest childhood, she never let that stop her from raising my brother, my sister, and me differently. She gave us what she never had, but in her own way. My mom made sure we went on vacations. She made sure my brother and sister stopped being bullied. She made sure we went to good schools. She fought for our education so we could learn better and not feel stuck.

    She did all of this while going to school to become a nurse and working. That alone taught me resilience. Watching her work hard, push through, and still show up for us taught me that I can have a lot on my plate and still reach my goals.

    I admire that about her. I admire her strength. I admire her heart. I admire the way she kept going.

    My mom also taught me gratitude and positivity. She taught me to appreciate what I have because tomorrow is never guaranteed. She taught us manners and all the little things that come with being kind, respectful, and thoughtful.

    She also taught us the importance of family.

    Growing up, we went to two different churches. On Sundays, my titi would come over, or we would go to her house. Both sides of the family showed me what it means to stay connected, to show up, and to value the people who love you.

    The last lesson my mom taught me is kindness and empathy.

    She taught me to choose kindness when I can. To forgive others. To help when someone needs it. To understand that life is too short to carry every heavy thing forever. You never know what life will take from you, give to you, or teach you along the way.

    I thank my mom, and I adore her.

    I hope she never feels underappreciated. I hope she gets to live her life fully and know how much she has given to us, not just by what she did, but by who she is.

    Because the truth is, my mother didn’t just teach me lessons.

    She became them.

  • The View Was Worth the Detour

    The View Was Worth the Detour

    I booked The Edge with my friend because I wanted to see everything New York had to offer from way up high. And honestly? The view was amazing.

    But let me rewind to how we even got to that moment.

    On Saturday, I had to work my usual Saturday shift, but I got to work with my brother, which always makes the day more fun. After work, we went home for a bit before heading out to meet my cousin and her boyfriend. They balance each other very well very cute together and it was nice getting to spend a little time with family before the city adventure officially began.

    Then came the rain.

    And New York has a full blown love affair with rain. I swear I am always there when it’s raining. There’s this saying about “rain writes stories sun could never tell,” and that stuck with me as I stepped into my new decade and made my way through the city.

    I took the walk to my friend’s apartment while it was still raining, slightly lost in the process, but somehow enjoying it anyway. There’s something about New York in the rain that feels chaotic, cinematic, and weirdly comforting all at once.

    Finally, I made it to my friend’s apartment after Google Maps decided to send me on a little detour before actually letting me arrive. Classic. We grabbed soup dumplings and fried rice at Nan Xiang, which is one of my favorite spots in New York.

    Because nothing says “rainy city adventure” like getting a little lost, finding your people, and rewarding yourself with dumplings.

    Saturday was the detour. Sunday was the view

    The next day was when the real Edge adventure happened.

    On Sunday, we went to Starbucks Reserve before heading to The Edge. And let me just say: espresso martini flights? A dangerous little blessing. We tried different flavors from ube to matcha, the original, and more and it felt like the perfect pre adventure stop.

    We sat, sipped, laughed, and had one of those good conversations about life that makes you realize how much you needed the moment. Sometimes the best part of a day isn’t even the big plan itself, but the little pockets of honesty and connection before you get there.

    After Starbucks Reserve, we headed to The Edge to finally take in the scenery. Seeing New York from that high up was unreal. The city looked endless buildings, lights, movement, stories everywhere. We took pictures, talked to some of the people who worked there, and just let ourselves enjoy being tourists for a little while.

    And honestly? Sometimes that’s the best way to experience New York with a friend, a loose plan, a little caffeine, a little chaos, and a view that reminds you how big life can still feel.

    After that, we headed home, tired but happy, with pictures, memories, and another New York story added to the collection.

    Maybe that’s what I loved most about the weekend. It reminded me that even when the plan shifts, the rain starts, or the map takes you the long way, there can still be something beautiful waiting at the top

  • Lost & Found on the Concrete Playground

    Lost & Found on the Concrete Playground

    The Version of Me in NYC 🗽

    2017-2019: Chaos in Heels

    Steam curled up from subway grates as I power-walked Broadway in rain-soaked stilettos crying, under eating, sleepless, yet still nailing every lecture, two internships, and endless dance classes. Friends saw a grin; Mom and my brother saw the cracks. It was heartbreak + feeling “behind” + “not good enough” the full quarter-life cocktail.

    Dorm-Room Floor Confessions

    Alone in my tiny single, I’d face-plant on cold tile, sob, then yank myself up for heel workshops with Ksyn, The Dollhouse, Aisha Francis all queens who slowly reignited my spark and reminded me my body could still live inside the music.

    Walk, Breathe, Repeat

    I skipped the subway, clocking miles instead earbuds pumping therapy playlists. When panic spiked, I’d duck into a bathroom, plunge my hands under icy water, inhale four counts, exhale four counts, and keep it moving. That trick saved more nights than I can count.

    The Night Tank DMed

    One evening, fresh off work, I caught Tank’s Sex, Love & Pain II tour at BB King’s. He joked about me filming (“Sis, you making a bootleg?”), then slid into my Instagram DMs after the show “ All love, just playing.” Serotonin unlocked.

    Dating While Unhinged

    Funny truth: rock-bottom energy is apparently magnetic. My DMs overflowed, dates lined up like taxis at Penn Station. Healed me gets crickets; chaotic me got invites. Therapy sessions became weekly deep dives into self-worth, love, and why attention ≠ affection. Wednesdays blurred into late-night hangs with Uncle Carlos Tommy’s crew life advice served with greasy diner fries.

    The Quiet Turning Point

    Between 6 AM lifts, heel bruises, and those frost-breath city walks, I stacked accomplishments I was too anxious to celebrate. Only later did I realize NYC had held both my breakdown and my breakthrough.

    2026: Same City, New Nervous System

    Anxiety? Basically ghosted thank you, weekly therapy, journaling, lifting, dance, and miles of fresh air. My blog the dusty side project from eight years ago is now a thriving home for intentional stories on healing from anxiety and creative purpose. Mind, spirit, body: healthier than ever, and the goals keep stacking.

    I’m living proof you can chase a dream, shatter, glue yourself back together, and still hit publish glitter everywhere, stilettos on.

    Call to Heart

    💌 Share this with your favorite mess in progress

    Because if you’re knee-deep in your own concrete jungle spiral, remember: the cold water resets, the midnight walks, and the sweat-drenched studio lights are carving the stronger version of you right now. Keep breathing. You’re not lost you’re under construction.

  • What Cherry Blossoms Taught Me About Life

    What Cherry Blossoms Taught Me About Life

    I’ve loved cherry blossoms for as long as I can remember but I didn’t realize why until life got hard.

    Since I was 18, and even into my mid 20s, I’ve always had a thing for cherry blossoms.

    To me, they represent beauty, new beginnings, and the importance of living in the present moment. Their bloom is short and sweet, and maybe that’s what makes them so special. They remind me that life is fleeting, and that there’s something sacred about appreciating what’s in front of you while it’s here.

    Even though I don’t always get to see them in person as much as I’d like, when I do whether I’m on a run, out for a walk, or just passing by I really take them in.

    Because before you know it, they’re gone.

    And honestly? I think that’s part of why I love them so much.

    There’s something about seeing cherry blossoms when life feels heavy that just does something to you. When you’re spiraling, doubting yourself, or feeling like you’re not enough… and then you look up and see those soft pink blooms, it feels like a little glimpse of hope staring back at you.

    Like life is quietly saying:

    You’re going to be okay.

    There was a point in my life where I really needed that reminder.

    I was spiraling.

    I wasn’t feeling good enough.

    I felt like no one was willing to take a chance on me.

    And on top of that, life just kept piling on.

    I was grinding through so much and carrying it quietly because I didn’t want to burden my family or friends. So instead, I found little ways to pour back into myself. I went to New York. I took dance classes. I walked through parks. I found small moments that made me feel grounded again.

    And oh boy… did it work.

    It gave me confidence.

    A new perspective.

    A little spark in me that I thought I had lost.

    Just like cherry blossoms symbolize, I had to shed a little of myself to come back to life. Not lose who I was just let go of what was weighing me down so I could find my way back to me.

    Now, whenever I see cherry blossoms, I don’t just see something beautiful.

    I see hope.

    I see growth.

    I see perspective.

    I see a reminder that life can still surprise you in soft ways.

    And every single year, they bring me back to something I always say to myself and to anyone I end up talking to about life:

    Every year is an upgrade.

    Because you are not the same person you were last year.

    You are who you are in this moment.

    And that version of you matters too.

    So appreciate the moment.

    Take it in.

    Let yourself bloom while you’re here.

    Just like the cherry blossoms

  • Your Bills Are Paid Go Live Your Life

    Your Bills Are Paid Go Live Your Life

    When I opened TikTok first thing in the morning, a video stopped me.

    This guy was talking about how people start shaming others for going out, for what they wear, for what they buy… once they hit a certain age. Then he said something so simple but so real:

    Who cares?

    Your bills are paid.

    You have a job, a home, a car.

    Go do what you want. Life is already stressful enough why wouldn’t you enjoy what it has to offer?

    That hit me.

    I used to think growing up meant becoming quieter.

    Now I know it just means becoming more myself.

    Because people do judge you as you get older. They expect you to shrink, to quiet down, to become… predictable. But at the same time, a lot of people aren’t even doing the emotional work on themselves. And you can tell. You can always tell the difference between the people who are healing, growing, and learning themselves and the ones who aren’t.

    And me? I’m choosing to live.

    On March 14, I went into New York City to see Lithe in concert with my forever friend. Before anything, I did my homework I listened to his music, got familiar with his vibe. Because if my friends, my family, or even my future man loves something… I’m going to meet them there. If they like it, I love it too.

    Before heading to her apartment in Brooklyn, I stopped at TacoBee’s Mexican Grill to grab us food. I got a steak burrito and chicken birria tacos because priorities. Then it was just me, a bag full of food, and the city around me.

    When I got there, we split everything, started chatting, laughing, and getting ready for the night. And let me just say the food? So good.

    We got dressed with music playing in the background, putting together outfits inspired by Lithe’s album Euphoria greens and blacks, matching the energy.

    The venue was Elsewhere in Brooklyn intimate, packed, and alive. Disco balls hung from the ceiling, lights flashing everywhere blue, red, strobes, smoke it felt like stepping into a whole different world. My forever friend knew every word. She was dancing, singing, living in it. And me? Right there with her.

    After the show, we went out for a bit longer, just soaking in the night. No rush. No pressure. Just living.

    The next day, we slowed it down and explored. We went to find the giant chrome evil eye sculpture at Flatiron Plaza by Charlotte Colbert. It was 10 feet tall, reflecting everything around it. Blue and brown eyes, layered behind each other. Honestly? Beautiful. I love art in all forms whether it’s in a museum or just out in the street.

    Then we walked into the largest Barnes & Noble I’ve ever seen literal heaven. After that, we grabbed sandwiches (the best ones, obviously), and just enjoyed the day before I headed back home to New Jersey.

    Another weekend. Another memory. Probably another page in my junk journal.

    And the funny thing is… that TikTok was right.

    Go out.

    Wear what you want.

    Do what makes you happy.

    Your bills are paid.

    So go enjoy your life.

  • Love Is Where You Pour It.

    Some people say Valentine’s Day is just a Hallmark holiday. Others go all out for their significant other. And single people? We usually fall somewhere between pouring back into ourselves or spending time with friends. Or honestly treating it like any other day. And all of that is valid.

    In my mid 20s, I started pouring into myself. I’d write love letters to myself, pour some champagne, run a bubble bath, and even do a little DIY photoshoot to end my self love day. It sounds simple, but it made me feel really good about myself not just that day, but for weeks after.

    In my early 30s, Valentine’s Day started to look different. I leaned into Galentine’s Day with my friends and coworkers drinks flowing, games playing, matching PJs, lots of laughing, and of course pictures at the end. And really good food. I can’t forget the food.

    That phase taught me the importance of community watering friendships, loving your people, and appreciating them while you have them. Life is too short not to.

    I’ve never actually done Valentine’s Day with a man yet. And honestly? That’s because I know myself. When I love, I love fully. I would make sure he felt appreciated, seen, and deeply loved. In the past, I’ve invested in men physically, emotionally, and spiritually that’s just how I show up in this thing called life. I’m extremely picky about who I let into my world and I should be. We get one life. One chance to do it right, to grow, to experience the good, the bad, and the ugly with someone who’s worth it.

    What I’m really saying is this:

    You can pour into yourself.

    You can spend the day with friends.

    You can pretend the holiday doesn’t exist.

    It’s your life.

    You get to decide how you love yourself, your people, and one day, maybe a partner too. Spread love where it feels real. Pour into what pours back into you.

    Happy Love Day. 💘

  • 35 and Becoming

    35 and Becoming

    I’ve lived 35 years, and I’m still becoming.

    Not in a rushing, fixing, dramatic kind of way but in a quiet, rooted way.

    A way that stays.

    I don’t need to be more.

    I just need to keep becoming more of myself.

    This birthday doesn’t feel like a reset.

    It feels like a return.

    A return to the parts of me I abandoned when I thought I had to be perfect to be loved.

    A return to softness after years of survival.

    A return to beauty not the curated kind, but the real kind.

    The unmade-beds kind. Morning coffee. Laughing somewhere with friends.

    I don’t have all the answers, but here’s what I do know at 35:

    Life is messy.

    You’ll cry while working out at the gym with your friend or at the bar.

    You’ll laugh in the kitchen during deep conversations on nights you stay in.

    You’ll forget your worth, then remember it like a firework.

    You’ll lose people who swore they’d never leave only to realize you were doing all the heavy lifting. And yes… it’ll happen more than once.

    But then, you’ll find peace in unexpected places.

    New York.

    A dance class.

    South Carolina while visiting a friend.

    Mexico.

    Mexico City while visiting your uncle.

    Italy

    Spain

    And somewhere along the way, the glow-up happens but it’s internal.

    It shows up in how you respond.

    How you pause before reacting.

    How you protect your peace even when it would be easier to self-destruct.

    It shows up after two years of therapy.

    After learning how to communicate better.

    After choosing healthier bonds with friends, family, and whoever is brave enough to take a real risk on you.

    Now, I find joy in the small things.

    Coffee runs.

    Slow mornings.

    Loud dinners.

    Spontaneous photoshoots.

    Walking aimlessly through New York because I don’t want to go home just yet.

    I’ve also learned this:

    You can love your life and still long for more.

    You can be grateful and still hungry.

    You can be more than one thing at once.

    You don’t have to follow anyone else’s timeline only your own.

    If it feels right to me, that’s what matters.

    I met the most down-to-earth dancers, entertainers, and creatives in New York during my mid and late twenties. It felt community based. Real. Appreciated. And I’m grateful I experienced that because now, I know what genuine connection looks like.

    Thirty five isn’t the finish line.

    It’s the soft middle.

    It’s where I stop performing and start embodying.

    Where I hustle less for love and trust it more.

    Where I know who I am just a little less shy, and a lot more hopeful.

    Here’s to not apologizing for who I’ve become.

    To loving louder.

    Resting deeper.

    Laughing easier.

    Letting things unfold naturally.

    I am so ready for you, 35.